Contradiction Collector Pillows

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"You and your mood swings"

'With every 'Ying' there's a 'Yang'!'

Oxymorons

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"I hate it when we fight."

"This is a side of Manhattan you don't often see."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

Basically, you should think outside the box, but don't color outside the lines!

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

"No aliens"

'If this thing starts to snowball it will catch fire all across the country.'

The Daily Fury

Gym/Tan/Donut

'Wow! The earache I've had for three weeks is gone!'

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Woman sunbathing on snowy balcony under sunlamp.

'Always tell the truth, even if you do have to lie to do it.'

'I think I'm cured. I now forgive my parents, love my wife, adore my children and hate you.'

Society for the Furtherance of Liberal Thought.

'You are a credit to the human race, Yardsley. Unfortunately, you're a liability to this firm.'

"My door is always open, Truscot, so don't go near it!"

'I want a 'green' car colored red that keeps me in the black.'

'What a coincedence! I actually have an identical twin brother who has the same name as you.' - 'No kidding? I have one who has the same name as you!'

Free Contradictions only $2.00.

"You see, there's proof I'm in the majority. I don't believe in polls and neither do 59% of other guys."

Cowboys in a saloon gather around a Georgia O'Keefe painting.

'Rodney, I don't know what to make of you. You're bored by excitement, and excited by boredom.'

'If it wasn't a conspiracy, how come Lee Harvey Oswald is named after two rabbits?'

Clancy: Good Idea