Contract Whisperer Gifts

'Your 11:15 is here, to ratify the new agreement.'

'Please sign the contract only if you're deeply convinced. I don't want to put pressure on you. Don't think of what I could tell your wife about you and your secretary.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Now all we need is a good script."

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

Duplass Brothers

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

Computer whisperer.

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

WWW.World.com

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

The fax machine had stopped and they did not know why.

You will do as I command...'It had a power surge.'

'Are you hiding something from me?'

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'