Contract Craftsman T-Shirts

'You know full well you didn't give me what I wanted last year so, now sign this promise.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

Tool Box

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

God's Subcontractors

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

Arts and crafts

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Lovely dovetail."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

D.I.Y

Waiting for retirement.

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

Texturing the Walls

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

I love embroidery

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."