Contract Craftsman Pillows

'You know full well you didn't give me what I wanted last year so, now sign this promise.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Painting by the numbers for adults

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Tool Box

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

God's Subcontractors

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Arts and crafts

"Lovely dovetail."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

D.I.Y

I love embroidery

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Waiting for retirement.

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Texturing the Walls

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."