Contract Contemplator T-Shirts

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"I forget - are we a species that mates for life?"

"Go forth and multiply under the constraint of sustainability within Nature's framework? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?"

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

'All the girls say the same thing. You're a sweet guy, but...'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

Echoes - 'Hellooooo'.

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

'You realize, it may take us awhile to INTERNALIZE these....'

'You're sweet, Rodney -- I'll put you on my short list.'

'I used to get ecstatic whenever I saw him. Now it's more like ecstatic cling.'

'Binary' monk demonstrates computer skills.

"How much worse?"

"Ya know, with football, hockey and basketball seasons over, maybe it’s time to set the date."

Why so sad? All my friends are divorced and I'm not even married!

Art Gallery View.

The Master Switch

'Nobody takes you seriously? -- Are you trying to be funny?'

'I know we're in love, but there should be an easier way out of it than marriage.'

Just kidding, we don't really reject you for not reading all those terms of service agreements.

I'm torn, Randy. I'm so undecided about this election. You're still undecided about the candidates? No, I'm undecided about whether to be undecided. On the one hand, it could make me seem like I'm unbiased. Like I'm not beholden to any particular ideology. Like I'm above it all. But on the other hand, it could make me look like I'm too dumb to tell the difference between things that are different. Take a couple weeks to ponder that. No rush.

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.