Contesting A Will Pillows

"This will surely be disappointing to many meek people. The legacy has been successfully contested, and it is now the arrogant who are to inherit the earth."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'Rhea of the Year.'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

'Hold up everyone. I read that last part wrong. She wants you to divide the 'cash' equally.'

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

"And to my wife who hated my bellyaching,I leave my ulcer..."

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

Attorney. He left money in his will to build a casino. Why? He wanted to leave the world a bettor place.

"Apparently he took it all with him."

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

'Here's where your father geocached your inheritance.'

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'