Contemporary Art Buff Pillows

Pirate Artist

"Wow! - An original Bacon!!"

A Portait of Kim Jong Un

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Now I really hate poetry."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Cats at private view

Tina Turner

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

"Outré or simply bad?"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"She said it has a blistering fervency that reminds her of a slide."

Hoxton map.

"My kid could have done that with AI."

"I'm ahead of my time."

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

Art in pandemic time: after Jeff Koons Coronaballoon

Damien Hirst Cafe

'You bought it - you can lie in it!'

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"Worse than giant clothespins, Ralph - Bauhaus designed alligators!"

The Death of Marat

"Miles... I'm going abstract!"

The Big Picture

Tracey Emin - Private view.

'He lives under the illusion that Charles Saatchi is going to barge in here someday and buy everything.'

At The Imaginary Museum of Fine Art: 'Bare Bulb Hanging' A Deconstructed Mobile.

"Know anything funny I could turn into a cartoon?"

A finger painting a painting of a vase and flowers.

Artist in formaldehyde

Falling for art

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'I've always wanted to enter the Turner Prize.' - 'Burp!' - 'Okay, great. Now I just need a title...'