Consumer Insights Specialist T-Shirts

'I am stunned by the sophistication of our consumer research.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Gullib-Os

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

Advertising man saying to woman - 'Be careful. It's a real jingle out there.'

"We can't make the perfect product, but with a little luck and a lotta data, we can make the perfect customer."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

Man is attacked by barcodes.

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

The competition's customer vs our customer.

Man is target

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'

"Any new proposals?"

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

"I have to take it back to the shop and throw it away."

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

'Our poll shows the typical advertising viewer is all 'targeted' out.'

Aspirin Marketing.

"Hi there, Consumer 275/B. I am your personal surveillance satellite - here for your safety and security. . . What can I do for you today. . ?"

Lemonade Stand with Disclaimer: 'No animals were harmed during the making of this lemonade.'

'I work for the Consumer Protection Agency...'

"Is that chum? Do you ever feel like we're being manipulated as consumers?"

'No. No. No. No, I'm happy with my current tariff, thanks.'

"Last chance for batteries before the light at the end of the tunnel."

Technical Performance Ranking, Consumer Satisfaction Survey, and Word on the Street.

How did the focus group go? I'm not sure --- It was all just a blur.

"It's an entire Web site of things you can buy to consume less."