Consumer Behavior Analyst T-Shirts

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Rising Tide of Consumer Indifference.

This Week-New And Improved

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"It reminds me of the very first ad that ever swayed me into buying something I didn't really want."

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

"Zero to 60 in 4 seconds. Think of it! You'll be the fastest guy to the next red light!"

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

"People are crazy."

Kids' energy levels

"Well SOME people might see it as buying a load of useless, overpriced rubbish but I see it as a brave attempt on my part to support a flagging retail sector."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"Now that we know what the consumers want, it's our job to make them think that we have it."

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

"We assumed they were raised by wolves, but I'm beginning to believe they were raised by stray dogs."k Upload

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."