Constitution Buff Pillows

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'The First Amendment is just for people!'

"Born in the USA, but not an American!"

Best System in the World

If You Believe You Must Own Guns In Order To Fight The US Government...Then You Are Mentally Unfit To Own Guns.

An idiot's guide to the American Constitution.

'Don't get all Constitutiony on me, counselor!'

Second Amendment Loophole

"You're fired."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'What's wrong now?'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

Sue the Author 3PM

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

Constitutional Convention. We're behind schedule, everybody wanted to make a speech about the first amendment. For the second amendment, let's stick to bullet points. (Published previously on May 19, 2010).

"Useless information"

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

"If you're really interested, talk to someone at corporate. They own my soul."

Planet of the Lawyers

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."

"Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Choose two."

"And this will allow people the freedom to express themselves through the talking points of their choosing."

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"From this you make a living?"

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."