Constipation Comedy Lover Gifts

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Gross."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Very funny!'

"The doctor would like to know if anyone else out here needs surgery before he puts his stuff away."

'You're a bond trader? Don't worry, there's a new drug to treat interest rate sensitivity.'

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

The Grim Reaper as a surgical assistant.

He's got two heart beats!

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Where is the parcel the delivery guy brought me in the operating room?'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"I sneezed during my mammogram."

"I'd like to have my moons removed.''