Consistency Pillows

"I know my grades are straight 'Cs,' but don't I get some credit for consistency?"

Shepherd and eurydice

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Bond James, Bond."

They hated me.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Extreme miming"

'Hamlet'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."