Conservative Philosopher Gifts

A simple guide to political right philosophy

"I don't like the looks of that!"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

'Okay - who leaked?'

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'Harrison, going against your better judgement has made us a lot of money...'

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

Labour moderates rallying cry.

Safe spaces?

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

Restrictive Abortion Laws

"You are a Democracy! You are free! The sky is the limit!"

"Hitler Stalin pact in the Arabian jackal desert"

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

Political Analysis

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."