Consent Crusader Pillows

"What lovely big social constructs you have."

Hands OFF!

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

Racial Profiling

'Way too much information on your resume.'

Funny, this is the same pill the head of the price-gouging drug company needs to take so he can sleep at night, too. Pharmac …

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"Your Honor, we the jury blame the victim."

'What do you mean by, your people do not want to get in touch with my 'kind' of people?'

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

Rupert Murdoch in the mud.

"Those are muzzles for whistleblowers."

"Ambitions... to make it to the other side."

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

'What you say here remains confidential. Except what I tell my wife and she dishes to her gossipy girlfriends.'

"I believe it because I believe it and that's how I know it's true."

Bees full of righteous indignation swarm the honey company's executive suite.

Playing dead is easy, but when they ask me to speak, I have to imagine them in their underwear.

"To be honest we can't afford to be honest."

Redaction: The pen is mightier than the word

Never Apologize for Being Yourself

"We audit at dawn."

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

'This is outrageous! I could go to prison for sending miners into an unsafe mine!'

'Wow, she's still here! That's what I like about Sally, she has a great work ethic!'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"