Conker Collector T-Shirts

Living life dangerously 2010.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Clown on bike.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Hay Rides $10

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

Personal conker trainer.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Fossil record player.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

Freaks of nature exhibit.

A crab with a utility knife claw

true love.

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

Lavatory Waterfall

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'This thing better hold. I don't know about you, but I don't find plan B very reassuring.'