Conker Champ Gifts

Personal conker trainer.

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

Make up your mind. Next exit 500 miles.

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Monkey casino study.

school kids playing conkers

Contest to enter the University

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

Living life dangerously 2010.

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

Traffic Everywhere

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

'Slow Internet connection! They thought of everything!'

Little known evolutionary steps.

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

'Well, once it's won the prize for Biggest Marrow I shall expect you to replace my fence!'

Conkerers of Everest

"Whenever I try counting my flock I fall asleep."

"I think I've taken my morning routine too far."

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

"Would you like it better if I wear earbuds and point?"

Greek Gods at Play

William the Conkerer 1066

'Wow, this is a lot better!'

'We feel that being one step ahead of the competition is no longer an adequate buffer zone.'

'Cesar loves to conker.'

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

"Family game night rocks! Especially when the winner decides what his prize is!"