Conker Champ Gifts

Personal conker trainer.

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

Supermarket Merge

Make up your mind. Next exit 500 miles.

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

Monkey casino study.

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

school kids playing conkers

Contest to enter the University

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

Living life dangerously 2010.

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"What setting do I use for this?"

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

Traffic Everywhere

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

'Slow Internet connection! They thought of everything!'

Conkerers of Everest

'Well, once it's won the prize for Biggest Marrow I shall expect you to replace my fence!'

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

"Would you like it better if I wear earbuds and point?"

"Whenever I try counting my flock I fall asleep."

"I think I've taken my morning routine too far."

Greek Gods at Play

William the Conkerer 1066

'Wow, this is a lot better!'

'We feel that being one step ahead of the competition is no longer an adequate buffer zone.'

'Cesar loves to conker.'

"Wow, human DNA is so close to ours! Pity they're just missing perfection by a few percentage points..."

"As impressed as we are by your masonry skills, sir, I'm afraid that's no guarantee of a mortgage these days."