Congress Gifts

Eric Cantor

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"One year closer to college!"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Trust

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

'You have failed on all counts...'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.