Congregation T-Shirts

"Confound it - stop talking in tongues while I'm talking in tongues."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

OOG & SONS HUNTING & GATHERING

Time for tea and friendship.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"We missed you at church Sunday."

How's my sermon. . .

Midwest Winter Items.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

The Stumble Inn Bar & Grill

Party Time!

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"One word from you when the wife gets home and you're next Sunday's roast!"

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'We are gathered here...'

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Same old crowd."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Frigid Cold

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit