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"How fresh is the calamari?"

Batman's Baby

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

Minority Report Is Real

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'It's her signature dish.'

'Hi, your IT section sent me to test the network sockets.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

The minister's a sub, so we're all going to sing the wrong hymn, pass it on …

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

'Better than fresh - everything is irradiated.'

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Popular methods for getting the check

"There's U.N. Weapons Inspectors at the door. They need to see your meatloaf."

Grandad and grandson sticking out their tongues.

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

Joker in jail

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

Brendan suddenly realizes it was a mistake posting 'Susan, will you marry me?' to the stadium's jumble tron.

Donald Trump as a Baby Joker

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

Happy? Tell Your Face.