Congregation Commentator Gifts

How's my sermon. . .

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

The New World Order

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

'We are gathered here...'

Entering Washington, DC. Today's Polticial Atmosphere is TOXIC.

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'You know, if we play it right, campaign finance reform could be pretty lucrative.'

"But is it art?"

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

"Seats in all parts!"

"Well, I ain't flyin' next to him!"

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"Is writing 'wait for laughter' on your sermon really necessary?"

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

'Bet you 10 thousand dollars, no make that 10 million dollars!...That I'm getting more Super-Pac campaign funding than you are!'

"God damn it, Walter – I'm not even indicted yet."

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

"Any questions?"

Bureaucracy in the Public Sector

'I plan to privatize everything...so instead of President, I'll run for 'C.E.O'.'