Congregation Commentator Gifts

How's my sermon. . .

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

The Hockey World

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

The New World Order

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

Entering Washington, DC. Today's Polticial Atmosphere is TOXIC.

'We are gathered here...'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"But is it art?"

'You know, if we play it right, campaign finance reform could be pretty lucrative.'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"Well, I ain't flyin' next to him!"

"Seats in all parts!"

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

"Is writing 'wait for laughter' on your sermon really necessary?"

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Idiots!

Bureaucracy in the Public Sector

'Bet you 10 thousand dollars, no make that 10 million dollars!...That I'm getting more Super-Pac campaign funding than you are!'

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

"Any questions?"

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"God damn it, Walter – I'm not even indicted yet."