Congratulations On New Baby Pillows

"Dammit! I swallowed another one!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"This feels like an accomplishment."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"