Congratulations On New Baby Pillows

"Dammit! I swallowed another one!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"