Just Had A Baby Pillows

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Late night teddy reading

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

The No No No's

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."