Confused Service Seeker Gifts

'Thank you for call our customer hotline. We are available to serve you 24 hours, but not consecutively.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'My market doesn't understand me.'

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Church: Open Sundays

"And this is my life support system."

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

Amnesia Support Group: Meeting Today!

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

"I love group...however, I don't feel that everyone honors my right to express my fears."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"Maybe you're not underemployed - maybe you're just overeducated."

"It all started with my addiction to crackers, then crackers and cheese, which led to crackers, cheese and wine! But thanks to AA meetings, I've turned my life around. . ."

'You'll need a better credit rating before we can give you a credit card?'

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

Leaning on a friend

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

"On my home planet, I was a deity."

"I haven't seen a spotted owl yet, but I see three giant fleas."

Snowmen Anonymous

"I'm not saying the lamb is good, but nobody's complained about it yet."

"Latte for a guy you're sure ordered after you."

Worriers Support Group.

Street merchants 'Hair wraps' 'Henna Tattoos' 'Colonic irrigation'

"Your new electric car, isn't what I expected."

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

Generation Ex - Divorce Support Group.

"Someday, you'll act like you understand."

"That 12th step is a doozy."