Confused Service Seeker Gifts

'Thank you for call our customer hotline. We are available to serve you 24 hours, but not consecutively.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'My market doesn't understand me.'

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

Church: Open Sundays

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"And this is my life support system."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

Amnesia Support Group: Meeting Today!

"I love group...however, I don't feel that everyone honors my right to express my fears."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

"Maybe you're not underemployed - maybe you're just overeducated."

"It all started with my addiction to crackers, then crackers and cheese, which led to crackers, cheese and wine! But thanks to AA meetings, I've turned my life around. . ."

'You'll need a better credit rating before we can give you a credit card?'

A Menu Board Lists The True Costs Of Lunch

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Leaning on a friend

"I haven't seen a spotted owl yet, but I see three giant fleas."

"Latte for a guy you're sure ordered after you."

"I'm not saying the lamb is good, but nobody's complained about it yet."

"On my home planet, I was a deity."

Worriers Support Group.

Street merchants 'Hair wraps' 'Henna Tattoos' 'Colonic irrigation'

"Your new electric car, isn't what I expected."

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

Generation Ex - Divorce Support Group.

"That 12th step is a doozy."

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

"Someday, you'll act like you understand."