Confidence Curator Gifts

The Return of Guarded Optimism

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Leadership suits you

Busy man, busy life, busy shirt.

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

$1: Family Secrets

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Ego Increasing School

Redecorating Easter Island.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Well, it's about time!'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

"Boo hoo, I missed my targets - what's the worst he can do?"

"I'd love to chat, Dave, but unless it's high-powered, high-quality, high-finance, high-tech chat, I just don't have the time."

"I'm so confident that when I climb a ladder."

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

'I must admit, I do look good in stripes.'

"Instead of 'It sucks' you should say, 'It doesn't speak to me.'"

Nobody ever listens to what I say phobia.

Through the Looking Glass-King's Messenger in Prison

"It makes me feel better about myself."

"I hear he has more than bones buried."

The passage of time.

Playing dead is easy, but when they ask me to speak, I have to imagine them in their underwear.

'That brush - how many dpi?'

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

Haile Selassie

Never Apologize for Being Yourself