Conference Collector T-Shirts

"I'm reading the notes I took six years ago for the first time."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Nuts to you, too."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

Conference Pears

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'And in conclusion.'

'Yeah, you have lips like Mick Jagger ... ok, back to the teleconference.'

'Try his land line.'

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Let me present today's speaker.'