Confectionery Critic Gifts

The Schematic map of Miss Mathilda's afternoon assortment box of Bonbons

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

Our visit to the flan factory.

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Parisian man eating pastries

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"God's sent us some chocolates."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

Deicing on the cake.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"The cookies are always stale."

"Mini-cupcakes never solved anything."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"It's a generally positive report with a few disturbing elements...much like the tapioca pudding in the cafeteria."

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Greedy child

"Med Brittle"

'Bon Bons Away!'

Jane Chastain

"I got horse dewormer..."

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

Candy Land for Adults

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

'I appear to have underestimated the appetite of the modern child...'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'These fortune cookies are outdated. They quote Greenspan instead of Bernanke.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

"Wonka's Fruit-tastic, Lick-me-loo-rolls; I'm out!"