Cone Chuckler Pillows

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Fancy a swift half?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Keyboard in Heaven

"It's weeder's elbow."

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'I wish I could scratch my ears.'

"Damnedest eclipse I'VE ever seen."

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"Someone should tell her...her breath will smell bad after this."

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

Merry Christmas

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."