Conditioner Collector T-Shirts

"Hate the crime, love the conditioner."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Mine, I believe, is the Green Jacket."

As you like it - One way of catching fish

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

Sarah Palin Fact #2783, Sarah Palin makes her own diamond earrings by squeezing coal.

"I had the stitches out last week. I just find that it helps me stay focused."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

"I wonder what this was for."

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

'Anyone else would be satisfied with one coat, but not you!'

'How old is this vase?'

Joseph, returns his coat of many colours: 'Can I exchange this? It clashes with everything?'

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"Why do they call this 'Traffic Calming' again...?"

Today's Rapunzel

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'