Concert Humorist T-Shirts

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

'Don't say anything!'

"It's amazing how they manage to endure despite all the lineup changes."

Zane pulls the emergency chord.

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Radiator jazz player

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

Elevator Music

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

Rap-scallions

Double Saxophone

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

No Instruments Please

Magic Act

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

"Ding" "Dong"

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."

Now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto.