Performance Humorist T-Shirts

'And now, in answer to numerous requests, 'the anvil chorus'.'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Football Chameleon

Modern Major General

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"The Eggsorcist"

Schrodinger's Black Box

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Drummer

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

The Phantom Of The Garden

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Rap-scallions

Berta screams out!

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Double Saxophone

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.