Con Man Pillows

'Hey, wait a minute...This isn't an autograph book. It's an I. O. U.!'

Alternative Medicine

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

"We did our best to convince them, now it's up to how gullible they are."

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

"This is your second cousin Armando. He was an artist."

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

Melted Snowmen for Sale.

Traffic cone tells bollard: 'It's a tough life ... always on the road.'

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

'Don't tell him I can't speak, French. He's paying me to translate his girlfriends letters.'

"No, this isn't some kind of bait and switch operation. I just enjoy feeding the birds."

Budget Cryogenics

'You are being completely duped by a stranger! She says she can foretell your future, but she is just a con artist...'

Master of Illusion

"Were our business legitimate, gentlemen, this would be considered legal."

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"Fortunately for me, I can't get enough of this song."

"The odds on the race are about 90 to 1! We'll make a killing when you let me win!"

"Good heavens no, I haven't always been a monarch! I started as a confidence trickster."

The Genghis con.

In return would you please spend some of my money on a haircut.

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

Houdini Goes To A Medium.

"I found out where it hurts. It hurts at school."

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

'Psst! Wanna buy the inside of a coat?'

"Idiot! Who leaves a tip?!"