Con Artist In Training Pillows

"I found out where it hurts. It hurts at school."

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Three more years of high school."

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

"Here we go again. Look at me everybody....I'm a cloud."

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"You're not going anywhere, young man, until you probe and release your catch!"

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

Poisson d'Avril!

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

Pranking Zombies

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

Cartoonist Checkups

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

Levitation Man Avoids Angry Husband.

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

"This is your second cousin Armando. He was an artist."

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'