Computing Gifts

'Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?'

'Hello tech support? When I simultaneously press CTRL, TAB, ALT, NUM Lock, and Page Up keys, my fingers hurt.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Globalization means when your e-mail account is full with spam from countries you've never heard of...'

Break Glass in Emergency.

'Of course I'm insecure. I store vital computer information in a cloud.'

'I'd prefer it if they stored their stuff someplace else!'

'How did you arrive at this price?' - 'Our computer has a new random generator.'

Angel and devil advising on whether a man should open an email attachment.

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'They're draft outlines on how to run a paperless office.'

'I've tried to tell Stuart he's over-loading himself with too much information but...'

"When I said you'd get an office with windows, I meant the computer's operating system."

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

Internet Security

'Have you tried switching OFF and ON again?'

"Well the good news is that the system is completely secure,no one can get into it...and the bad news...It's because it's crashed!"

"I combine technical skill with a human interface."

"You're right. I should go outside and play. Buy me a laptop, and I will."

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

'This problem has been my life's work. I planned to devote my remainig years to it. It's just been solved in four seconds.'

'And he thinks I'm slow!'

'I've finally achieved a paperless office.'

"It's big, slow and proboably a fire hazard. But I was able to pay for it out of petty cash."

'You have won a free course on avoiding internet scams!! Send ?500 to register.'

'I back up my files religiously. I pray nothing happens to them.'

"Networks, databases, the internet, the web, where is it all going?" Computer answers - "I haven't made up my mind yet!"

Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Data Base of Useless Information, 500,000,000 GB.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"We said we'd give you a portable.. " Norman soon realised that he should have read the terms and conditions more closely

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

'He expects so much from me but his data is flawed.'

Beware of sophisticated, hard to detect e-mail scams.