Computing Prints

'Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?'

'Hello tech support? When I simultaneously press CTRL, TAB, ALT, NUM Lock, and Page Up keys, my fingers hurt.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Break Glass in Emergency.

'Globalization means when your e-mail account is full with spam from countries you've never heard of...'

'Of course I'm insecure. I store vital computer information in a cloud.'

'I'd prefer it if they stored their stuff someplace else!'

'How did you arrive at this price?' - 'Our computer has a new random generator.'

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

Angel and devil advising on whether a man should open an email attachment.

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'They're draft outlines on how to run a paperless office.'

'I've tried to tell Stuart he's over-loading himself with too much information but...'

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

"When I said you'd get an office with windows, I meant the computer's operating system."

'Have you tried switching OFF and ON again?'

Internet Security

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

"I combine technical skill with a human interface."

"You're right. I should go outside and play. Buy me a laptop, and I will."

'This problem has been my life's work. I planned to devote my remainig years to it. It's just been solved in four seconds.'

"Well the good news is that the system is completely secure,no one can get into it...and the bad news...It's because it's crashed!"

'And he thinks I'm slow!'

'You have won a free course on avoiding internet scams!! Send ?500 to register.'

'I've finally achieved a paperless office.'

"It's big, slow and proboably a fire hazard. But I was able to pay for it out of petty cash."

Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Data Base of Useless Information, 500,000,000 GB.

"Networks, databases, the internet, the web, where is it all going?" Computer answers - "I haven't made up my mind yet!"

"We said we'd give you a portable.. " Norman soon realised that he should have read the terms and conditions more closely

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'I back up my files religiously. I pray nothing happens to them.'

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

'I can't come over to play video games after school. I'm teaching an adult education class on using the internet to download and upload music and photos.'

Beware of sophisticated, hard to detect e-mail scams.