Computer Crime Specialist Gifts

Not our department, Sarge. Better get the computer crime boys on the blower.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

Robot Robber

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

I'd rather be phishing.

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

"One of you got online and stole my identity, which is weird because there's not one thing unique about us."

"He opened his email and saw the attachment from an unknown source. His hand slowly reached to click on the paper clip. He had no idea what horror awaited him. . ."

"This is a special place we have for phishing scammers!"

"I'm getting old. . . I only got 17 hate comments!"

'Geek computer hackers wouldn't have survived a week at MY West Point!'

"We're cyber criminals, Barnes, NOT common criminals. Go get cleaned up and look like you're tech-savvy."

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

'Your honor, no weapons or violence were involved, since my client's breaking and entering were done online.'

"Serious life hack, dude."

Super Highwayman.

'When the Secretary of the Navy signed off with, 'Long live the Ayatollah', I knew we had been hacked.'

"One day son, all this will be online banking apps."

"Pssst! Wanna buy back your browser history?"

"So many social security numbers, so little time..."

"There's nothing left. He made sure all his accounts were hacked."

"Don't open that email! Oh... too late."

'It was really hard for him when somebody stole his identity...but it felt even worse when they gave it back.'

"Well, this is the moment we've been waiting for - the hacker who stole our identities just got hacked by another hacker who thought he was hacking us."

"Keep your soul. We only want to hack your data now."

Reporter at cybercrime conference asks: 'Should we be focussing on this area when we surely face a greater threat from the Daleks?'

"Great news! All of those bill collectors stopped hounding me because the hacker who stole my identity is being hounded by them now."

"Confounded hackers."

"The lengths I have to go to prevent google stealing my data."

"Billy has become quite active in class sharing."

"Why not sell it? What have I ever done for me?"

"I'm afraid the school has experienced a ransomware attack. We'd like you kids to donate whatever you can!"

"Bad news, Milton. Some hacker broke into our files, and mixed our fresh-water fish with our salt-water fish."