Computer Conundrum Crew Gifts

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Local News in Heaven

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

"Can't fix the WiFi? How times flies! Seems only yesterday you couldn't program the VCR!"

'If we had a bill of rights that got wronged, would it be right or wrong for a judge to right that wrong?'

Do Not Enter and No U Turns

"Why don’t you just go back to writing your memoirs and forget about the whole graphic-novel thing?"

'Ye gods, Will - art thou still monkeying about with that Ooh-ooh language?'

The Screeeen!

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

"If your computer crashes alone in a forest, and no one complains, does IT respond?"

"You'd better come up with something that will sell - or else. I hope that was helpful."

"If your going to get frustrated with your computer and assault it, may I suggest stretching first. You have three pulled muscles."

Devlin was concerned about his son hanging around with such a nice crowd.

Robot finds computer on doorstep.

Information. If you can't put toothpaste back in the tube, how did it get there in the first place?

"I'm confused. Are we your attorneys or are you our attorneys?"

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

My car is running great, but the GPS is busted. You can go nowhere fast!

STRIP Hambone: Unpaid electric bill

Computer basics for non-geeks: MOUSE PAD.

Dog at computer. Man says: 'He's a whizz at data retrieval.'

'Your father's bought a computer so he can complain constantly about having a virus.'

"May I offer you some refreshments?"

'I lifted the user's manual for this software with one hand and . . . '

'Thank goodness there are some things that aren't computerized.'

"I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism"

Curse my hooves, and predictive text!

"Computers are really great. I've been blaming everything on them for decades."

'Who cares about the global network of information when there's an ex-boyfriend in the room.'