Computer Calamity Collector Pillows

"Every time I touch a computer it dies. It's taking all the fun out of online shopping."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"

"Please feel free to browse."

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"No you idiot! I said to get a brain, not bran cereal!"

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

"I should let you know, you accidentally forwarded THAT mail to me."

"Can you stop, now, Lord...for a while?"

'I've lost my job, my wife and kids, the house, what the hell else could possibly go wrong?!"

Car crashed into warning sign

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

'Next time you use the firms intranet to send a Valentines message remember to avoid the 'send all' key.'

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'

'Lord, NO! Take me instead!'

"'Unexpected error.' It stopped being 'unexpected' after the first ten times it happened."

"This Is A Test. This station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This Is Only A Test Right?"

"Tech support say I should switch it off, leave the building and never come back!"

"Careful with that window. The safety sticker says 'open windows can be hazardous.'"

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

"Do you have any idea what you've done? There are twelve hundred bottles of cognac on that ship!"

Fred was mortified to discover his web cam was broadcasting to his new boss while he was seeing what he might look like after plastic surgery.

"Who dares summon covfefe?"

"I figured out why your car was pulling to the right."

"Note to self: Do not flush train toilets while still sitting on the seat."