Compliance Buff Gifts

Man with health and safety clipboard follows the Olympic Torch relay.

'What's wrong now?'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

"Useless information"

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"If you're really interested, talk to someone at corporate. They own my soul."

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"From this you make a living?"

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

Max Weber

"Office of quality assurance"

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

Desk of Public Opinion Polls has 'In' box 'Out' box and 'Undecided'.

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"