Completing Teacher Training Gifts

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

A Puppet Named Juan

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'What's play?'

The best PE teacher in the World.

Staff Yearbook

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'So, how was flight school?'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

The Ideal Teacher.

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

Gorillas Learn to Read.

"Alice, please! You're a practice teacher! At some point I have to leave you alone with them!"

'I don't suppose any of you wee bams know how spell, 'mutual respect.''

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"

"I may have to go back into the office - we're running low on stationery."

"My teaching skills have improved because their dogs are eating less homework."

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

'Just a darn minute ? yesterday you said that X equals two!'

'Sorry, kid...that's it.'

Teacher.

Maria Montessori

Once upon a time vs. today

'Truth is, kids, I ate your homework.'

'Your x-ray shows an enlarged heart. It's nothing to worry about. All teachers have a big heart.'

Teachers' Training Toughened: 'Sorry I'm late, I had to help one of the student teachers with their homework.'

"How come they can have a teacher shortage, but we can't have a student shortage?"

"You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan."