Complaints Department Worker Gifts

'I realize working in the Complaints Department can be tough. But it must be a thrill to work with the public on a daily basis.'

'We used to be a lot busier - ask Samantha Lushbody.'

"...And what's more, you're short and ugly!"

"Your screams, shouts and swearing may be recorded for training purposes. . ."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'You're fired. The test results came back and you tested positive for crack.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'Ageism at work'

'Of course I care, madam!'

"A serf? We don't call you 'serfs' anymore. Nowadas we call you flexibly employed staff members!"

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

'...but I'm already working as slow as I can.'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,