Competitive Spouse Pillows

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

Yummy Mummies

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"Am I through to the next round?"

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

The relay race

"You can't expect to get anywhere in business without making an enemy or two, Filmeyer."

Man on Stilts in a Market

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

"It would help if you brown-nosed a little more."

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

"Do I read better than Mommy?"

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"Looks like Dad has finally given up on trying to beat us at chess."

The wedding.

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

'What - you don't want to marry me after you became rich and famous? Oh, great! Now I've got to think about a new pension plan!'

On the start position

"Sorry, Hogg is no longer with the firm."

Billboard / Sue wil you marry me? -Bob / And what about grandkids? - Bob's Mom.

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

Keeping up with the jones

'Those are the family I'd have if I believed in a Work/Life balance.'

Dads.

'You'll pay for this.'

"Thanks for all your sales help. I like the outfit so much, I bought it online in the dressing room!"

"So how was the Edgar Willoughby Classic?"

One-Up-Manship Valentine's Day

'My wife is out of town. That's the diet cam.'