Compensation Strategist Pillows

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

Help wanted. Excellent medical insurance. Salary also available.

National Insurance Employers Contributions

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

The Evolution of the Bonus

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"You're a genius, Shaw. This is an idea whose copyright has expired."

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

I'm not making enough money to like you.