Community Dinners Pillows

"Where do we put Desserts?"

A crowd of happy pet owners.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'A cheeky red?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

See you at the farmers market!

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

AA Meeting Here Today

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

Church Basement Foodie

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Midwest Winter Items.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

Maypole

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

The Last-Minute Halloween Costume Parade

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Suburban street.

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'