Communication Crafter Gifts

"You've got to give him credit - He was the first in his family to learn to talk."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Direct Marketing...

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Wordplay: Export.

Target your message

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"Hello?"

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

'Your wife says you were married for 50 years and now you want to communicate?'

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

'He's still addressing the nation.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"I appreciate succinct memos, Phillips, but stop writing them all in Haiku!"

Cross-country knitting.

'Actually, when I asked you to bring something fresh to the table, I was talking about ideas!'