Commercial Satire Fan Pillows

In a trade reminiscent of Johnny Damon to the Yankees, Santa Claus signs with Gimbel's for big bucks and shaves his face.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Scapegoat of the Year

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"It's a swearbox."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'