Coming Of Age Storyteller T-Shirts

Cards. 'Birthday' 'Fake ID'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Children's Party

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

Kirsten Johnson

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'