Comical Money-smeller Gifts

"This article says that a good investment consultant can smell money like a dog smells fear..."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Me and my money are soon parted

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

The Recession Hole.

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

Dollar sign balloon.

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

'Before I give you the bill,do you suffer from heart trouble, high blood pressure,or sudden shock syndrome?'

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

Computer that runs on money.

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

"Does he have bills to pay as well then..?"

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

Say it with flowers.

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'Holy Father, a request from Mr. Berusconi. Can the Vatican lend Italy a few billion Euros?'