Money Humor Lover Gifts

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Say it with flowers.

'Now that I have your attention...'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Jumping Wall Street.

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

Federal Guidelines

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

'It's a bill collector!'

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'