Comic Relief Capturer Pillows

"Being smart is great! I wish I was smarter! But I would never want to be a smart Alex. That would be annoying."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Overjumpers

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Critisize your weight.

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Super Heroes.

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

The Alpha Seltzer

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Eat me"

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

My God, I need to fart.

No littering...

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”