Comic Irony Lover Pillows

"What elephant?"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"Look! No hands!"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

The Hammer

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"You are still here."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Where Are They Now?'

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

Anti-inflammation recipes

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."